


Salvation

by athroneofmistandglass



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 13:17:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10022276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athroneofmistandglass/pseuds/athroneofmistandglass
Summary: Feyre reflects on her life since she became high fae and met the two irresistible high lords.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The idea behind this piece goes to the wonderful NightCourt_HighLady who was kind enough to let me use this idea and then even offered to beta it. The song I used is Salvation by Gabrielle Aplin.

I rolled over, desperately trying to get comfortable but these cramps were making it virtually impossible. Pregnancy was definitely taking its toll on the both of us. I was five months in and Rhys and I had come to a joint decision that I should avoid this upcoming meeting. Personally, I was regretting that decision. I was bored and lonely. Being stuck in the house all day was beginning to drive me insane, also a part of me was just desperate to be with my mate.  
I was turning around for the umpteenth time when a melody drifted through the open window of our bedroom in the townhouse. The lyrics danced around the room as I took them in. It was almost the exact reflection of my life since I became High Fae.  
You are the avalanche  
One world away.  
I dreaded the day that Rhys would call in the bargain. I guess it was always on the back of my mind but I was in denial. The Night Court seemed eons away and all I wanted was to stay with Tamlin. I had wrecked myself for him, and at the time he was the only light in the darkness that was constantly surrounding me.  
My make believing  
While I’m wide awake.  
Just a trick of light  
To bring me back around again.  
While I always believed deep down that Rhys would eventually call in the bargain, Tamlin destroyed that belief almost entirely whenever I brought it up. We all tried so hard to forget the horrors that had occurred under the mountain. Picnics were held and we would dance around in the bedroom and suddenly all my worries were forgotten. That’s all Tamlin wanted from me, pleasure and love, though I don’t think I believe even that anymore. As Rhys once told me too much love can be poison, and that’s what mine and Tamlin’s love was – poisonous. I had died that day under the mountain and I think Tamlin was in love with the idea that I was still the fragile human who needed constant protection and coddling. But that wasn’t me anymore.  
Those wild eyes  
A psychedelic silhouette.  
His violet eyes haunted my nightmares. I would wake terrified before rushing to the bathroom to haul up my guts. Tamlin and Lucien painted that psychedelic image into my mind. Throughout my time in Prythian, as both fae and human, I was always told to be wary of the Night Court. The court of sadistic killers. I remember the sheer horror I felt when I found the head on a spike in the rose garden so long ago. The taste of vomit that I choked down when I found it as I was venturing out to paint. It was difficult to reconcile it with the male who took care of me and tried to draw me out.  
I never meant to fall for you but I  
Was buried underneath and  
All that I could see was white.  
I was never meant to fall in love with the fae, let alone Rhysand. I was going to marry Isaac Hale and we would live a poor life with no children as we wouldn’t have the money to support them. Now there was a part of me was glad of the horrors that I faced under the mountain because without that I may never have met my mate.  
But right after, I couldn’t see anything as it was anymore. My whole image of the world was distorted by the nightmares that roused me from the depths of sleep each night. Things I once loved I couldn’t bear to partake in. Painting, an activity I once wished to spend my life doing, was one of those things. I couldn’t look at the colour red without seeing the blood I had spilled coating my hands like a second skin. I was buried underneath layers of fabric and make up as my body slowly gave up on me. I was blinded for my desperate love for Tamlin. The white side of a coin.  
My salvation  
My, my  
My salvation  
My, my  
He saved me that day at the wedding and though it took me almost a hundred years to admit it, it was in answer to my plea. Those red petals saved me for so long but Rhys called in that bargain to save me because he actually cared for me. I even picked red roses on my wedding day, partly to compliment my dress but also to send out a message. If those red petals hadn’t been scattered down the aisle by Ianthe then I would never have paused, never would have called for help as I realised that it wasn’t what I wanted, wasn’t what I needed. Rhys cared and loved so deeply that he wrecked his soul for the people he loved, for me.  
Oh  
You are the snowstorm  
I’m purified  
He was the one who brought my fight back, the one who brought me back from that road to death. He didn’t only save my body but my heart and soul also.  
The darkest fairytale  
In the dead of night.  
It turned out that the darkness was always my friend, both as a fragile mortal girl and as a high fae. That day that Tamlin locked me up was proof of that; when I had nothing the darkness pooled around me keeping me sane. The dark prince who stole me away to ensure that I wouldn’t leave this world too soon; before my time had come. The dark prince who stole away the bride of spring. Well maybe that’s what every fairytale was missing because it certainly saved my soul. Rhys always thought that he would be remembered as the villain of the story. But as I told him on our wedding night, the villain is usually the person who locks up the maiden and throws away the key. He was the one who let me out. He respected my choices even when he disagreed with them, even when they hurt him.  
And let the band play out  
As I’m making my way home again.  
Music saved me, the music my mate sent me to keep me from breaking, to keep me whole. The music I listened to every night to sooth any leftover fears. Music calmed my nerves on the rare occasions that I was roused from sleep by a nightmare, the nights that Rhys was away on business and I woke alone, dripping in cold sweat as I relived the horrors of the war and Amarantha. Music, it was the one thing that kept me sane.  
Glorious we transcend  
Into a psychedelic silhouette.  
Slowly but surely I found my place in the Night Court. Finally, I belonged somewhere, with someone who loved me to the depth and breadth and height that their soul could reach. And I did fit into that psychedelic image that everybody seemed to have of the Night Court. I was welcomed and accepted, even when I had spilt innocent blood. I was embraced as part of these people because they all understood the horrors I went through and they all knew the pain it caused to commit these necessary crimes.  
I never meant to fall for you but I  
Was buried underneath and  
All that I could see was white  
When I wasn’t buried beneath fabric and make up, I was buried under grief and regret. A hole I thought I would never climb out of. It turns out, all I really needed was a leg up. The members of my inner circle gave that to me. But in the end it was Rhysand who pulled me out of the worst of that dark hole.  
My salvation  
My, my  
My salvation  
My, my  
He had saved me over and over throughout the years and I didn’t deserve him. He was perfect where I was flawed and he would pick me up after every fall. Even if he did spend half an hour laughing at me first. This family we were starting was so perfect. I was his salvation as much as he was mine and we would keep on saving each other until we were nothing more than a whisper between the stars, and maybe even after that. Our love was eternal.  
This baby girl inside of me would be salvation for us also. Nesta. That was what we would call her – after my sister who made the greatest sacrifice of all. Nesta who would once again save us all.  
My salvation  
My, my.  
We belonged to each other and nobody could tear us apart. The song reached its climax as the melodies danced around the room, twirling my scattered thoughts around my head, relaxing my body and mind.  
I woke up later that evening to kisses placed along my shoulders.  
“Dreaming about me, darling?”


End file.
